Decks Dark

The rain was pouring heavily outside. The clamorous sound of raindrops hitting the earth created this strangely tranquil festivity that was somehow soothing. It was already 7 minutes past midnight and my thoughts refused to sleep. They were always getting so noisy at night that even the roaring blast of thunderclap was shadowed.

I sighed with despair, secretly begging my head to finish its tumult.

Okay, what is it this time?

“Why am I walking in a very slow pace?”

“Why couldn’t I utilise my time well enough to achieve something wonderful like any of my friends?”

“What if people at work judged me horribly?”

“Am I being good enough as a friend?”

“Did I offend mom by saying things like that?”

“How could I ever find a way to reach my dream? I do not possess any special accomplishment to help me get there.”

“Why am I so mediocre?”

“My boyfriend deserves someone better than me.”

“Did I do my work okay today?”

“Did I inadvertently do any harm toward my patients?”

“Would god forgive me for the uncountable sins I’ve done?”

“How can one act like a finely mature and responsible adult?”

“Why do I always overthink stuffs?”

“Why can’t I shut these noises in my head?”

Please, just stop.

A flash of lightning suddenly emerged, startling my consciousness.

I checked upon my phone to see the time. An hour has passed and there was still no hint for the rain to stop. I stared bluntly at the ceiling feeling all drained up, as if there was a tight band around my head. If only I could command for this plateauing angst to evaporate into thin air.

But in the meantime, I’m just gonna let them rain.