Between The Bars

It’s January 2021. I didn’t find music therapeutic anymore, regardless of how many sad and depressing songs I play, or even how frequent I repeat Elliott Smith no matter how soothing his voice is. Movies only distract my mind for a temporary period of time, and once it reaches the end, then boom, those thoughts are back clouding my head once again. So I ran to poem. I’ve always had this huge bundle of poem book collections. I used to be really keen on reading them. And just like they always do, poem has this tendency to lower my guard down and penetrate inside my vulnerability. I feel naked. I found myself crying multiple times afterwards. They question my existence and I failed to answer. I have no idea how I’m gonna build a life to be as fulfilling as I hope for. Since I’m nothing but a mediocre moron who didn’t even pass the bar for a proper good life. I don’t deserve a place in this world indeed.